Ø A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… She has 14 kids but she doesn’t really care.
Ø One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
Ø My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
Ø The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.
Ø The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Ø Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Ø Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
Ø I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my panties.
Ø Amazing! You hang something in your closet, for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Ø Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like…’You know sometimes I forget to eat!’ Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
Ø The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then they marry him.
Ø I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day!