Laugh, Love, Live Life!

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Tis the Season to be Merry. Here are some funny Christmas (Holiday) images that will give you the giggles. Use them as a desktop image or share with your friends. To save the images just copy and paste, point at the picture and then right-click and select “save image as” or select “set as background”.

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Nibbling the queens nuts
The Queens pet peeve hasn’t got anything to do with her three Pembroke Welsh corgis.

Apparently someone or maybe a couple of someone‘s have been nibbling, in the Queen’s corridors, on her nuts without permission.

In emails submitted and read out during the phone hacking trial, related to the interception of voice mails, for the now defunct News of the World tabloid editors, its learned that a memo had been issued to all officers telling them to “keep their sticky fingers out.” (of the Queens NUTS!)

While on patrol, the royal police officers are eating all the nuts from bowls left out around Buckingham Palace for the 87-year-old queen.

The Queen was so narked (annoyed) about the police (hear me say, “Not the Police!”) stealing bowls of nuts and nibbles that she started marking the bowls to see where the levels dipped, and drew lines on the sides in a bid to catch them out.

Judge John Saunders told the jury that these were “unfounded allegations.”

Buckingham Palace declined to comment.

Sources:
MSN News
Reuters.com

Golf Panties

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies? ” Ole demanded. “Well” she said, “you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

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“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not? ” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?” She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb…. Tidy yerself up a bit.”

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You have to love the Scotsmen!

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Why God Created Children

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

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After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T!’

‘Don’t what?’ Adam replied.

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve, we have forbidden fruit!’

‘No Way!’

‘Yes way!’

‘Do NOT eat the fruit!’ Said God.

‘Why?’

‘Because I am your Father and I said so!’ God replied, wondering why he hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?’ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you?’ Said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’ said Eve.

‘She started it!’ Adam said.

‘Did not!’

‘Did too!’

‘DID NOT!’

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

Ø You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

Ø Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

Ø Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

Ø Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

Ø Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Ø The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Ø We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

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ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day!

AND FINALLY:

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, Do What It Says On The Aspirin Bottle:

‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’

AND

‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!!

thumbs up smilie

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During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?” “Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” […]

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Okay – we got the car – now where the heck is that snowmobile? Right – now we can FISH !!! Hey, Jim…….. where did you park? I got a great spot, not far from here …. GOTTA LOVE MINNESOTA IN THE WINTER! *All Received via a forwarded email.

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