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Posts tagged ‘Women’

Golf Panties

The Swede’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any skivvies? ” Ole demanded. “Well” she said, “you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

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“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not? ” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?” She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love ‘o decency, here’s a comb…. Tidy yerself up a bit.”

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You have to love the Scotsmen!

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Why Women Aren’t Mechanics

Why Women Arent Mechanics

Because she is wearing all white??? LOL

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The 2009 Woman Driver Awards

10th Place Goes To:

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9th Place Goes To:

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8th Place Goes To:

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7th Place Goes To:

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6th Place Goes To:

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5th Place Goes To:

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4th Place Goes To:

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3rd Place Goes To:

The BRONZE Medal Winner

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2nd Place Goes To:

The SILVER Medal Winner

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YES – her helmet is on backwards

And, finally, here is our

The 2009 Women Drivers Awards

GOLD Medal Winner!

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*Note: All images received via a forwarded email.

And That’s How the Fight Started

clip artMan and Lady Talking

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…

My wife and I are watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’

So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’

And that’s how the fight started…

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary…

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’

‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend… I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ I said, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

Very Angry Smilie

I rear-ended a car this morning…So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’

So, I looked down at him and said,

‘Well, then which one are you?’

And that’s when the fight started…

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’

He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’

‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s when the fight started…

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf.

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

wink8 smilie

The Indian with One Testicle

Indian in Canoe

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was ‘Onestone’.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone…

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,’ if anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!’

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!

Why???

OH, come on… take a guess!!!

Think about it!!! You’re going to love this!!!

Everyone knows…

You can’t kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

3 Laughing smilies

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Reaching the Big 60

Im not over the hill...

Aside

“Warning” By: Jenny Joseph

Poem by Jenny Joseph

This is just part of the poem “Warning” written by Jenny Joseph. To see the complete poem go here.

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