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Posts tagged ‘Parenting’

Why God Created Children

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

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After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T!’

‘Don’t what?’ Adam replied.

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve, we have forbidden fruit!’

‘No Way!’

‘Yes way!’

‘Do NOT eat the fruit!’ Said God.

‘Why?’

‘Because I am your Father and I said so!’ God replied, wondering why he hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?’ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you?’ Said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’ said Eve.

‘She started it!’ Adam said.

‘Did not!’

‘Did too!’

‘DID NOT!’

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

Ø You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

Ø Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

Ø Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

Ø Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

Ø Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Ø The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Ø We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

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ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day!

AND FINALLY:

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, Do What It Says On The Aspirin Bottle:

‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’

AND

‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!!

thumbs up smilie

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Never Lie To Your Mom

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don’t even have to be a mother to enjoy this one…

silver ladle

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian’s mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’

Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure”.

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

Bed

LESSON OF THE DAY – NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

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